I HATE THIS FEELING!!

Well yesterday morning i went to work but the day before friends told me to wear as civillian clothing to work for team building for yesterday....(dont get it nvm) Then i went to my station yesterday was like 8:35am in the morning....
After which i ask my friend around what is team building , they told me that its bowling then i was like issit?? um...okie... i can kinda trained for it...hehe
Then we all gathered around like 9:10am and abt 9:15am we set off to bukit batok club for bowling.... We were playing there the whole day since 9:30am until 3:30pm kinda cool huh... then abt 4pm we leave the place i mean we all go back from there....
Haiz... the funs finally all over....
Days ago, i went to meet allan at this venue to talk about my problem aka "xin shi"... then went i reach his area coz i need to cross the road to the opposite and take bus to reach destination but then while crossing i almost had this accident coz i m listening to cellphone song then there was this bus never knocked down me but instead the driver honned me.... yea of coz i did giv a signal to apologised...
Nevertheless as i m thinking why the bus never knocked me down why must he honned me... how i wish i landed in hosptial or mayb leave the world..(yea it sounded kinda stupid but what else u wanna me to say)
I really do wish i can dont stay in my home coz members in my family(exclude my mum) they dont really want me, i feel that they hate me as i m thinking if i die, sum1 in the house will feel sad and my sis will feel happy at abt it...yea they never think that but u r not their brains u dont know what they think or feel... u cant tell me everything.... i m soo sad in here i really do wish if i can stay out i really wanna stay out and find a house...no 1 know where i leaves other then my parents(she)... i really hate her soo much...jus soo much
Jus because genertaion gap and we dont click we dont share anything even if sumtimes wanna share things with her i might not wanna say coz i m really wondering if she really treats me like her brother.... idk... sumtimes i really do feel like dying but watever i think abt this i erm feel a pain in me... >.< (sob sob) really feel bad... haiz (dont feel scared after reading)

Byte This

Wat should i going to to write huh?? Pfff....
These few days i have been whining and whining abt wat is inside the present.... People wants me to stay in the darkness and look into the darkness without knowing anything well okie... let's be it.... i m always been in the darkness well mayb i should have continue the way it is, isnt that good?? People do set goals and target and what abt me?? No goals and target, jus going through one step at a time...not that i dont wanna set it, but jus that i wasn't sure how am i able to set it and not easy for me to do it....
A new year is coming nearer and nearer, wonder whats gonna happen through a brand new year..haiz.... Been thinking and worrying about whats going to happen the next day, the day after and kinda stuff.... i have lots of "心事" in me... there are things which i dun wanna say abt it not to mention what was it but its too personal.....
Many things or stuff that i have been repeating and repeating though the listener have been felt irritating kinda stuff but i m like dunno wat to write abt it and what i know was she told me that the mcos got on newspaper and on >[] news and i was like um.. kinda curious and wanna know more..... so i m like wants her to cut out the article and send me bah but coz i dun have it so... i doubt she might giv it to me or mayb n0t i guesss..... Anyway thanks for ur chocolate, it was quite nice but in return i own u 2 presents for u which is this year and next year and after which we dont own any1 a things....
Perhaps this might be my last few post, i sussposed mayb not anymore idk... mayb i jus regret thing had happened around me if can i wanna changed it (yea i know it cants and i m not say it and i m jus say it)
hiaz... i think thats all for today and the post here coz i sensed that people finding me frustrating and mayb annoying i guess....
well i jus end it for today...
** >[] <--- TV

Do i have to be in this way??

Wondering what have been this happening to me??
Why people have to keep sumthing from people even if it is the slightest stuff they haven have to keep it?? Why?? Yea i wanna know what was it but why dont they jus say it??? i mean if it is the kind of sutff which really shouldnt let people know, well thats fine... i wont force it but the fact is.....its jus some kind of small item and why does it have to keep it like no1 else know... i really dont understand it..... i jus dont wanna peole talking bad stuff behind my back ya know.... haiz....
Really been wondering what do they did this to me or mayb was it at my fault?? Or all this shouldnt been happening or a "Restart"(yea i knw its kinda impossible) but then dotn hide things from me if i ask it... i really dont feel like keeping it in a darkness.... Its not kinda annoying(mayb u does) to know what was it but the least i mean it doesnt mean like once u say it its gonna be end of the world or sumthing?? thats not it.... Been finding out, its kinda frustrating, keep thinking... no thats not what i really want....jus let me know and thats it,isnt it difficult???
People around us have been betraying, backstabbing omg... i wonder if really all this could have ended, idk....
I really been thinking after all this years after all this happening, why am i brought to this world?? All the quarrls, all the beating, all the fun, all the problems that i m facing i mean i really tired....being myself to be out of control, being violence, throwing stuff ard.... sumtimes i really dont wanna be in this way, actaully its all becoz of "HIM" that i follow his footstep...
Friends telling me dont blame people for wat u did, u have your thinking, you know whats right and wrong but the fact is if "HE" does the thing that not sussposed to do it why cant i?? Yea u might think thats kinda stupid or mayb other words that u replaced it... If all this wasnt happening, how i wish i wasnt here, how i wish i doesnt step into this very world or mayb..................... :=\
I jus been eondering why do i have few friends while other have lots?? mainly was it becoz of my attitude or my ways responding to people... dont tell me all this time for one to changed i m jus doesnt know how to handle to make it changes in myself... Mayb i need to be alone coz i really kinda very vexed at it.... (sob sob)

What a Day!! What a Night!!!

Many things happened throught the day before christmas, it all jus happend on me... i had an old mp3 yet the frimware error had spoiled and it cant be repaired then i bought a new mp3 which totally like screwed up coz difficult to use but the seller at creative told me easy to use omg i jus hate and i get fed up with the device coz couldnt get the stuff i want and i was like smashed the LCD screen and it broke it argh!!!! Dont be too frightened coz mayb i m like kinda violence kind i guess hope u dont change your mindset abt me.... coz certained things which i dont wanna turn out that way but i m jus out of control to myself.....haiz.....

Alright... yesterday morning woke up like 6am.. then yea dragged until abt 7:30am and i m like getting ready to go for work, until 8am then i rushed out of house to go for work...
haiz... its the day where the SCH(Singapore Conference Hall) takes place....
Firstly, i m actually abt thinking half day leave but then again i m like having 2 chioce... either i stay until 5:30pm then i rushed from Clementi to home then to Raffles or taking half day leave but then after much consideration i take an half day leave... woohoo...
Then i reach home like 2:10pm then leave the house like 5:15pm to meet allen...
Yea i errm kinda 4get to tell u that i take half day leave la coz i tell "her" that i rush here and there mah... it isnt that i told a lie but jus that 4get to tell "her" but after all yea back home early and meet allan then after which we go lau pa sat to take a light dinner hehe before gg to S.C.H
And after which we finally reached the venue (finally, its time)

Then me and allan was waiting at 2nd floor to meet "her" and was like minutes later she scared me from behind omg.... so sad.... :( haha then its around 7:30-7:45pm, we went in to the hall and was like wow... kinda spacious area and the hall was like kinda big infact...
Then abt 8-8:15pm the president came.... then aafter the whole concert Finally started...
The studnets there were many and i can see many intruments there whcih i seldom see it b4 wow... it was an open for me (da kai yan jie) manz hmm... i was seated there and every1 so silent abt the concert and listened it peacfully...
The first song they place was "the lion"... wow it was so damm nice luckily i never missed it phew... another music piece call "jasmine flower" that was jus okie....

About 9pm time for intervals... and was like so short 15 mins onli..... haiz then "she" came and talk to us loh like really awhile feel like 30sec to 1 min bah after which get back inside le which is after intervals and wow the muisc damm nice and suit me too coz after intervals was "super mario" music then after "To Zanarkand" that is the master piece of Final fantasy X
it was sooo nice... woohoo.... and lastly the song call "Barbie Girl" , they played it beautifully...
The final last piece of the music they called it "The Lengend of the Dragon", that song was played very long it feel to me like it lasted 15 mins.....

Yeah it was like hell of a night!! What a concert night!! Congratulation Helin, u played well though i might not know where it go wrong.... but i know u give it your best shot!!!
Hope the day never ends it continues the way it is....
What a extravanganza concert, beautiful music, great time
Cheers MCO!!!!
What a Night at Singapore Conference Hall
WHAT A NIGHT!!! CHEERS!!!!

So Bored...

I think i m like so bored in my life.... everyday had the same routine kinda tired i mean yea who dont tired...jus that i slept late at night and wake up like soo early haiz life so meaningless for me... -.- well though i blogging like jus a little bit here coz i really dunno wad to say here.... Actually in National Serving (NS), i mean its not sumthing that i wanna do, its sumthing that i have to do... People have been peeping thru my blog (i did not mention names) which sum1 i dont really like haiz.... sadden moments now and then people set goals, targets while i m like nothing in life kinda emo here and here dunno what i should do.... i m like trying to find sumwhere to keep walking down the alsie like very meaningless all the way... matters jus keep coming and find it difficult to avoid.... I m totally lost in my direction of my way and the distance to it......

What a day!!!

Haiz... finally saw sum1 blogging and finally i m blogging now at this time and its 20 mins to midnight... I saw sumthing that i really couldnt believe it with my eyes, when i saw it i was lke omg... freak hell (What issit la??) i saw my malay friend whom is in my office then he show me sumthing that....(dun waste time la, faster say la) that his PSP can use windows vista and i m like OMG!! FREAK!!! stun!! i m really couldnt believed it though he show me... and he was like wow wonder how he does it.. ( Can dont say twice?? Boring leh) Then my days was like haiz kinda bored (Of coz la!! Boring story of coz bored la!!) Then tomorrow six of my people are going fishing, actually i m going de but then i told them i dun wan to go so i change with sum1 else lo then i bought new phone lo kaoz... was like kinda difficult to use manz... argh i hate it... then also bought a bluetooth headset also... wao hard to use on n95 lo... i want to use my bluetooth headset but cant use on my N95... only can use on my N85..... argh.....
Omg.... stupid phone with stupid headset.... ARRRGGGHHH
He told me one bluetooth headset can paired with 2 phone end up cant and wth....
Freak!!!!! ><
( )--Narrator

Then for the thousand in Attendance??

Haiz... today kinda bit sleepy in the afternoon as i m in the station like nothing to do... kinda slacking... but then i alway met with these particular nemesis... He was kinda mean....
Who did he think he was?? he was like jus promote to corporal weeeks ago and he was like so um.. acting so big that he was the greatest, he think he was so great that he can bully the lower intake... He is jus being too proud manz...
Then early in the morning check my bag at the sentry for nothing, any how manz... kaoz plz lah your have nothing better to do issit?? yea though its fro securtiy reason but why mine?? stupid..
Days jus keep passing day by day and i m having my service already a year le.. haha i m happy manz... One more year passed and i m finsihed yay... pfff
kinda less but that the bits yea... so.. thats all folks...